Ulquiorra, A Car, and A Bunny
by Tangledfire
Summary: On the 1st of December Ulquiorra gets a journal, so, out of lack of anything better to do he starts to write in it. While Ulquiorra is keeping his journal some rather interesting things happen, involving a car... and a bunny? CRACK FIC. written for JC
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: Okay JC I told you I would do it, so hear you go!**_

_**So, this fan fiction is probably going to be the stupidest thing you have ever read but that's okay because that is the entire point! JC and I came up with this idea when we where at camp together, we where talking about someone else's fan fiction (don't remember who's) I had read where Orihime gives the Arrancars Christmas gifts. **__**Ulquiorra**__** is my favorite character, so JC asked "Oh, what did she give him?" I said, "A card with a bunny, I think," JC thought I said a car with a bunny and this fan fiction was born!**_

_**Also please go soft on me I know that Ulquiorra will be acting OOC but that's part of the story (plus I still haven't seen the Arrancar ark) **_

_**PS: This is written in journal entries from Ulquiorra's point of few.**_

_**PPS: would someone like to Beta this for me? **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach... if I did Ulquiorra would still be alive!**_

December 1,

Cuarta Espada Ulquiorra Schiffer

Dear Journal,

Hecho Mundo really is quite an uneventful place, that is why I have decided to start writing in this journal (even if Grimmjow gave it to me as a joke).

Well, to start this journal I may as well state that to day is my 'birthday' (seeing as Arrancars are not born) which is why that irritating Grimmjow gave me this journal in the first place. Would you like to hear exactly how Grimmjow gave this journal to me?

I was walking down the hall heading toward the throne room when **he** walked around the corner.

"Oh, Ulquiorra, just the bastard I was looking for," Grimmjow said with a stupid grin.

"Sexta," I said.

He shoved a small package in my face. "I heard today was your birthday!"

I glared at him.

"Take the present, idiot,"

I slowly reached up and removed the object from my face.

"It's a journal, I thought you could use it to write down all your little emo problems," he smiled with fake cheer, "Well, see you later Ulqui-chan," I heard him laughing as he walked off.

"Trash," I muttered as I watched his retreating back.

And that dear yellow slimy-face covered journal is how you came to be in my possession.

God, he's so annoying! Grimmjow that is, I really wouldn't dislike him as much as I do if he didn't do such stupid things all the time. Well... there is one thing he is good for, he actually makes something interesting happen around here (not that I'd ever tell him). Huh, insufferable cat.

Aizen-sama has left me in charge of the Woman, she is actually not all that bad to be looking after. Though she does make a lot of requests for strange things (like something called Pokey) so most days when I come to check on her and bring her food she has a list of new things she wants me to get for her. But she gives me something to do and that's always a relief. Today when I visited her I was actually surprised to find her sitting at the small table in the corner of the room, with two slices of cake.

"I heard that today was your birthday, so... I... um got some cake,"

I thought it was really nice of her to do that for me, no one has ever been that kind to me (plus I really like cake).

It will be midnight in a few minuets

I should try to get some sleep.

-Ulquiorra Schiffer

_**AN: Okay, first entry done... please don't hit me! **_

_**Oh, and actually December 1**__**st**__** is Ulquiorra's birthday, haha! I needed some way to enplane why he has journal so...**_

_**please review!**_

_**Tangledfire Blac **_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: well this is taking me forever to wright but look! i updated JC! considering ur the only one who probably is going to read it ZDDD but i will keep updating till i finish! i am determined to finish this and its really not that hard to wright 1 journal entry each day during lunch, as long as Hawkfrost doesn't annoy me too much ZD jk man i love u. Any who yes Hawkfrost in this story is the one who is my friend but don't worry he is not important to the story in any way and this will probably be the only time he is mentioned in the fic. **

**also this chapter is based off of what me and Hawkfrost did when i wore my Ulquiorra cosplay to school ZD enjoy!**

**-Tangledfire Blac**

* * *

December 3ed

Dear journal,

Well, I'm not sure why I decided to keep weighting in this thing... But I have... This mornings was rather unentertaing, we had a meeting to talk about feature plans. I didn't really pay attention, though I'm sure it looked like I was. I don't want Aizen to think I'm slacking of (even if I am) afterwards I really had nothing to do so I headed out to the human world to hang out with this kid I met last time I was there.

His name is Hawkfrost, or at least that's what he introduced him self as. He is pretty cool... He is goth and wares a ton of make up, and I'm pretty sure he is gay, but I like him all the same, he's the only person I have met who understands my point of view. So anyways we where walking down the street, talking, and well everyone Hawkfrost passed stared at him, cause, well to them it looked like he was talking to thin air. (though there were not too many people out because it was snowing) And he asked about my out fit. I explained that it was a uniform for an arrancar, which he didn't understand, so he told me it looked like a Japanese cosplay, which I didn't understand. Then he asked why the pockets where so big. I had never really thought about it, when I think of my pants I usually feel annoyed (do u know how hard these things are to put on? U have to tie straps from the front to the back and straps in the back too... I have to hold them with my teeth while doing it too... I hate these pants...why couldn't Aizen give us something more comfortable to wear?). Hawkfrost then stuck his entire head into my pocket, causing both of us to laugh (well more of a chuckle on my part). I then realized that I could put bunnies and kittens in my pockets but then Hawkfrost explained that if I did that the bunnies and kittens would kill each other and then my clothing would be stained red... Do u know how hard it it is to get blood out of white clothing?

It's a shame about the bunnies and the kittens though, they are my favorite animals...


End file.
